Life's a journey, one step at a time...

Doing fine

2010-04-01T18:26:00.000-07:00

Other than work being a ball buster, I'm doing fine. I've pretty much moved into my apartment and settled into a kind of routine which does actually include Eric, dinner a couple of times a week and doing house work together on the weekend. One weekend we had a garage sale and the other weekend we put a window in. We got along perfectly because I think we knew in the end we could go to our own places and give each other space, not crowding each other out like normal.

D is also doing surprisingly well. He did have a rough night last night but he was missing his daddy because E had just left after spending most of the evening with us. But after calling E on the phone and chatting for a minute, D hung up, told me he was happy and was ready to go to sleep.

It hasn't been without its challenges. There are times I'm so so sad that my marriage isn't what I hoped. I'll feel this anxiety when I think of what the future may bring. I worry and worry and worry. But of course worrying is what I do best in the whole world.

BUT, every day is just a little easier and I feel like I'm fitting into myself just a little better. It gives me hope.

Moving day

2010-03-06T10:34:00.000-08:00

I borrowed my dads truck and we are moving all the big things I'm taking with me. Eric is helping me and though he seems bummed we are getting along for now. I hope this will last through the day. We tend to get on each others nerves and it can turn into a fight. I've asked my mom to bring D to the apartment in the evening for our first night there. I told her I would have dinner and asked her to eat with us. Yesterday I invited E. He said he would see.

But first we are going to make a dump run or two as part of getting rid of all this junk we've accumulated so we can sell the house. I actually like going to the dump. I love chucking big hunks of trash into the pit. It will help get the frustrations out. :)

Seperating

2010-02-28T08:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, one day after my 10 year wedding anniversary, I signed papers for an apartment. I'll be moving my and D's things out this week and the big stuff out next weekend.

It's very weird and horribly sad and I feel so so sad D who doesn't understand what is going to happen. I'm so pissed at E who I think is being incredibly selfish and assholy. But that is a different post. I can't quite talk about it yet, I get too angry.

I can't believe this is happening. My heart is breaking.

Today I...

2010-01-21T22:17:00.000-08:00

Ran! Two times!

Tonight at the gym I walked for five minutes, ran for five minutes, walked for two minutes, ran for another five then had a four and a half minute graduated cool down. It would have been a five minute cool down but there was a stair machine open that I wanted so I cut it short.

I never thought I'd really be running. I like it as much as I thought I would.

happy dance

2010-01-17T19:22:00.000-08:00

Yay!! E has fixed my computer! I got a virus a while ago and hasn't worked for about six or seven months. I could occasionally get on D's computer but it's not the same. So E worked on it for a few days and now I'm on. He was able to recover all my pics (about a year and a halves worth that he didn't have!) and that was a HUGE relief to me! It will be so nice to be "on line" again. While technically I could read my blogs on the iphone I had a hard time commenting on them and even posting on my own blog (my thumbs are clumsy). So I'm really excited! Oh computer, how I missed you!!!

Jury Duty

2010-01-05T04:48:00.000-08:00

Today I have jury duty. I really don't mind because any day you can get paid for not going to work is pretty good. There is always the chance that they'll dismiss you early and you get the day to yourself. Here's to hoping!

The only thing is that I've been called to jury duty almost every year since D has been born. Or at least four of the five years. I've always written the coordinator and have been dismissed because I didn't have anyone to watch D. But this time I was called two time in the last six months. I was summoned in June but that was settled out of court or something like that. Hopefully I'll show up today and this will be the end of it. Take my name out of the pool! The majority of the people I talk to have never been called. Really? I think the courts need to figure out a new way of picking citizens for this wonderful task. Or if they want I can take them a list of names of people that should probably have a turn. Hah.

I'm laying here nervous and it's not because of court or of being in a hot basement with a bunch of strangers but because of parking! The parking is a mess down town and just to think I'll be driving around in the rain with no available spots has my stomach in knots!!

They did say knitting needles were not aloud. Do you think that would include a crochet hook as well?

Please cross your fingers for me so I can get out early. Or get on the coolest case ever!

Happy New Year!!!

2009-12-31T23:12:00.000-08:00

So where did this year go anyway?? It just flew by and now here we are at the very last day! I'm just being positive that it will be a great year, at least better than '09.

I'm starting the new year with a challenge. Jen from PriorFatGirl (link at a later date, but totally worth googling!) is doing a 31 day No Eating Out Challenge and I'm in!! I eat out so much with the family and by myself that I think while this challenge while be tough I think it will be good not only for my waistline but for my pocket book. Wish me luck!

Gah! I'm already tired and I still have a half hour till ringing in the new year. I do have to work tomorrow so I have an excuse for falling asleep before midnight. Is not because I'm old or anything. *ahem*

I hope everyone has a wonderful new year!! Here's to a shiny, brand new decade!!

Cheers!

He's doing fine

2009-12-27T16:00:00.000-08:00

This was right before the surgery. He did so well, my brave kid. After the surgery they have the kids drink a medium glass of water and eat a Popsicle. He did just that. Then came home and slept and slept.

The next day he kept saying how good he felt and so we let the medicine lapse and that was not a smart thing to do. He went from seeming OK to having a meltdown and by that time he couldn't swallow the medicine. It was pretty hard to do but he finally got it down and then he nibbled on some ice cream. As soon as he finished the ice cream the medicine hit and he told my mom that he didn't need medicine, he just needed ice cream to feel better. What a funny guy.

The surgeon, Dr Greg, said that day three would be the peak of the pain and D would show much improvement shortly after that and I would have to say he was pretty spot on! Yesterday, day three, D quickly turned around early evening. He got some of his appetite back and he was in better spirits. Today was even better, we ventured out of the house and he was joking and smiling. I didn't realize how smiley this kid is until he wasn't. It was a great sight to see.

The only down side to all this has been his breath. It is FOUL!!! I can't even describe it it's so bad. We were warned but certainly not prepared for the extent of the horridness. It can fill a room in no time!! But hopefully that will get back to normal soon and just be one of those things we'll laugh about in the future.

Christmas was as fun as it could be. It was nice to have my mom here, she is so patient and kind with D and they just played for hours. He loves her and together they had so much fun even if he was feeling crappy.

And while we each got some great gifts the best gift is knowing that not only is D going to recover nicely but that those future great nights of sleep will improve his quality of life. It makes it all worth it. :)

Tonsil-/Adnoidectomy

2009-12-21T18:38:00.000-08:00

Dominic is having his tonsils and adnoids removed on Wednesday. He will also have tubes put in his ears. The poor guy can't breathe or hear so hopefully this will fix the situation. He has pretty bad sleep apnea at night and I worry about it's affecting his learning. How can u do well in school when you are exhausted? He also failed a hearing exam. Further testing showed his ear drums weren't even moving due to all the fluid in his head. Poor kid!

So I'm hoping this will really help him. A few adults I have mentioned this to have told me that this is something better to do now rather then wait. Not only because kids do better but because we are helping fix some serious issues before they get pushed by the way side. I hope they're right.

This and That...

2009-11-23T22:33:00.000-08:00

*Wow, the new St@r Trek is pretty good. I've watched it two and a half times now and totally like it!! It helps that the new Sp0ck is hot and Eric B@na is a scary and hot bad guy. He's dirty and rough and that's kind of attractive.

*On Friday I went and saw New M00n with the girls from work. A couple of them brought their daughters which totally ramped up the excitement factor. And Jacob!! Whoo hoo!! The whole werewolf pack is pretty...whoo hoo!! Of course the book was better, but when isn't it??

I'm sounding pretty boy crazy!!

*D has to have surgery. He needs his tonsils and adenoids out and tubes in his ears. It alarmed me when he told me that he couldn't hear and now we found out that he has so much fluid in his head that his ear drums are filled and won't move with noise stimulation. Aack, very scary! But the surgery and tubes should take care of all that. The removal of the tonsils and adenoids should help him breathe better (right now he can't breathe at all out of his nose) and SLEEP BETTER which is the big thing. He's so tired all the time, I'm sure it's hindering his learning and that is very, very worrisome to me. As soon as we hear from the insurance pre-auth, we'll schedule it.

*Last week on WW I lost another 2.6 lbs for about 8 lbs down. I was disappointed with that but my underwear will barely stay on which make me think that all this kick ass working out is helping my body but maybe not so much on the scale. I did 26 minutes on the stair stepper thingy which I don't know if I can ever do again but will try!! I feel so much stronger and healthier. I'm trying not think too much of the scale but just the NSV's that I have been having. Like not eating fast food or extra loose undies. Those measurements are much greater than the number on the scale. If I forget this, please remind me next week when I lose only 1 lb.

*Wednesday is Mommy and Boo's cookie bonanza!! We are going to make: Pumpkin Spice Cookies, No Bake Cookies, Chocolate Pretzels and sugar cookies in the shape of football helmets, footballs and hands which we will turn into turkeys. Fun, fun!!! I'm also going to make a pumpkin cheesecake because it sounds so yummy.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and eats well. Even if we are trying to lose weight doesn't mean we can't have some tiny bits of good food.

:)

I'm back?? For a minute...

2009-11-12T22:13:00.000-08:00

Tonight was week 2 of Weight Watchers. I lost 6 pounds for my first week. I should be really really really happy but when I see Biggest Loser contestants lose 17 lbs?

Not realistic at all but very true.

How are YOU doing??

Miss you all! XO

Why am I still fricken sick???

2009-09-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

Because I'm a goober dork!!

Last Thursday I was diagnosed with strep throat. I never really seemed to get better; I guess a little, I don't feel so horrible but I've had a horrific cough and still feel a bit crappy. Then last night I got the wonderful eye infection. I started using D's left over eye antibiotics because my eyes are gross. What the heck is wrong with me??

I was taking my antibiotic for my strep throat tonight and thought I STILL have half the bottle left. I'm supposed to be done with them by Monday, why do I still have so many left?

Well because according to the bottle which I never read I'm supposed to take TWO two times a day for 10 days. I've only been taking ONE two times a day. Well no wonder I feel like shit and my eyes are nasty!

Sometimes I'm so dumb!

For some reason this really gives me the willies!!

2009-08-25T21:48:00.000-07:00

Little D has an eye infection. I took D to the UC after I got home from work today because his eye was red and oozing. Yeah, pretty YUCK! He's had a slight cold for about a week now and Dr G said it just kind of moved up into his eye. And like most eye infections/pink eye it's highly contagious.

My eyes have been itching and burning ever since she said that word.

We have to keep him home from day care at least one day for the antibiotics kick in so E will be staying home tomorrow. Ick, part of me is creeped out and am glad I'll be at work. His poor eye is gross and he keeps touching it and touching everything!! It's driving me nuts! You know the commercial where the kid comes home and he's sick and he touches the door knob and phone and all the neon germs grow and take over the house? That's exactly what I imaging is happening everytime D touches something. Neon pink eye germs are growing and pulsating until our house needs to be quarantined by haz mat! Yikes!! I normally don't do antibiotics but because he's in daycare and around other children I think it's probably for the best. Let's just nip this thing in the bud right away. If he was a stay at home kid I probably wouldn't give him anything, just let it run it's course and follow him around with a bucket of bleach water but I'm afraid of anything that could get others sick. It needs to be killed!

Oh, and now when daycare puts up a big "Your Child Has Been Exposed To Oozy Eye Illness" I will cringe in shame because that was my child exposing everyone. Sorry other parents, I truly am! But I guess it is what it is, that's what happens when a bunch of little ones get together in one location. Germs happen.

My poor D, he has no idea why I keep shouting for him to keep his hands down on his sides. He keeps telling me that he's trying but he can't.

And I thought the worst he would come home with is lice. My mistake. :-p

Not much to blog about...

2009-08-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

Work has been chaotic, I've been spending all my free time picking up stuff and putting it where it belongs, keeping up on laundry, coming up with meals that don't include red meat (that's almost over in a week and a half, thank goodness!).

Life has been busy yet boring, not such a bad thing considering what could be worse.

What is interesting/worrisome is how the days go by so so fast and start to blur together. I've been really trying to slow the weekends down and enjoy them because they too can go by unbelievably fast. I need to spend a little less time on the computer during the evenings though, it is such a time sucker but I never want to miss an update on one of my favorite blogs :)

I'm off to clean up my little bathroom and fold laundry.

Have a good night!

Home Alone Weekend

2009-08-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

Alternative title: Movie Time, There May Be Some Spoilers Here.

This weekend was very nice. I just hung out by myself not doing much at all. I went scrub pants shopping, which was not successful at the store but very much on line. I painted my toenails, did a ton of laundry, did house work without a time schedule and watched four movies. I did watch one with E this evening, but I think it still counts.

Here's what I watched (in order of least liked):

Rambo: Yes, ladies, I watched a Rambo movie (with E of course!). The story was decent but the blood and gore is not my thing. Especially when it involves killing children and raping women. I'd give the gore a 25 out of 10 it was so bad. So I give it an 'eh'. It was a short one, only an hour and 20 minutes so it was over quickly. E laughed at me at one point and exclaimed "I can't believe you're watching a Rambo movie!" Me either, Honey, me either.

Twilight: Even though I read the book and make it a habit of NOT watching the movie of a book I really liked, I watched it because I'm going to go see the other movie with the girls at work. This movie is supposed to be a very serious movie, all brooding and full of love but it had me rolling!! OMG, the acting was horrific and the kid who plays Edward is totally NOT HOT!! He reminds me of a young Dolph Lundgren, remember him from Rocky 4 fame? Yeah, no. But by the end of the movie I was glad I watched it because it distracted me while I was folding laundry. That's always a good thing. (I could go on and on of why I didn't like this movie, but that would be just plain mean and childish!)

Obsessed: Oh, silly Beyonce, acting's for actresses! You kookie gal! This movie had potential. The blond from Hero's was pretty good, a convincing crazy lady. The black guy from The Office (NOT Stanley, the new office manager) was pretty cute to look at but kind of a puss. But Miss Thing Beyonce was just...UG. To me she was too diva; sashaying her booty, wagging her finger and giving her man a what for much too often. Please girl, tune it down a notch. What I did like was the (spoiler) kick ass fighting scene between the two women. Yeah, bitch, you lay a pinkie on my baby and I WILL go Rambo on your narrow ass!! No hair pulling and clothes ripping here! Just some good old fashioned punches in the face.

He's Just Not That Into You: Surprisingly I really liked this movie! It had a great cast of characters that intertwine without knowing it. It was funny, interesting and easy to watch. I really don't like Jen Aniston in any way but I really, really love Sc@rlette Joh@nssen (what a doll!) so they counter balanced each other nicely. All the guys were cuties and I even shed tear at one of the end scenes. If I had watched it earlier in my time off I might have even watched it again. I had my doubts and got it on a whim but I'm glad I did.

In staying home by myself I realize I'm a big scaredy cat. I'm scared of burglars, spiders, loud noises yet no noises at all, even my own shadow. But I tried not to let those things bother me and I really enjoyed the time to myself. To do what I wanted to do, to lay around yet clean my house in a leisurely manner, watch what I wanted was a real treat. I do feel really relaxed.

Off to another week ahead. I hope this one is less stressful and I hope everyone has a great one!

Crackin me up

2009-08-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

D is just so cute sometimes. I love to hear him laugh, it tickles me so.

I love that he calls any kind of lightning or electrical blast (like on tv, not in the house!) "flash lightning". He's just calling it like he sees it. Too cute.

Right now he's watching Short Circuit, remember that old movie? Like from when we were kids? He really likes it so much and is just laughing and running over to tell me what Number 5 is doing to Number 1 and 2. He likes it so much that he wanted to watch it back to back. That crazy Number 5 will capture any heart.

The only thing is the cussing. Who knew that there were so many dirty words in it?

Oh well, just a lesson for later.

But for now, D's laugh is the best!

Weekend reacap

2009-08-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

This weekend was pretty good, we had stuff to do yet it was low key.

E did an 8k...

While we waited on the bleachers...

E ran with a friend while D and I sat and chatted with her husband. He did pretty good, but his friend beat him by a few steps. Hehe, I told her to kick his ass for me cuz I'm a brat like that.

Then we went to a co-ed baby shower. It was pretty fun. It reminded me of the parties that we'd go to with my brother because the people there are in a band and they pulled out some acoustic guitars and had a mini jam session. People singing and getting into the music, it was pretty cool.

Instead of a typical shower cake they had fancy donuts with cereal in the icing. You'd think this would be any kids dream but D found this weird. He didn't finish it. What the heck?? (There were ones with fruit loops too!)

Today has been lazy day. We went out to breakfast and then just hung around the house. We watched Lars and the Rea1 Gir1. Interesting, just interesting. And then laundry and cleaning the house. I want to start the week with a clean house.

D is going on vacation with my dad on Thursday for almost a week. I don't know that we'll do without him since he seems to be the thread that holds us together (what a big responsibility for such a little one). I'll really miss him. I hope he has fun.

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Off to wash this stinky kid!!

:)

I did it and there were no tears!

2009-08-03T22:44:00.000-07:00

Even thought it is WAY different then I had in mind, I really love it!! It is so much cooler and looks better than my old hair. It looks like I actually have hair and she colored it dark burgundy. It looks pretty in all this sunshine we've been having.

My old hair was so drab and lifeless. When I put it up everyday in my little twist it was sad. After a couple of hours it would start to frizz out on the sides and look like I never even brushed my hair that day. What a mess! I'm so glad those days are gone for now.

I love that it takes no time to wash, just rub my scalp clean with some shampoo and I just use a dot of conditioner on the back. I am wondering if I need some kind of styling product to help shape it different ways. I'm such a newbie at styling hair.

I imagined a more sleek do but my hair is quiet bendy. Not curly or wavy but bent in different places. Today I didn't get to the drier in time so it was a bit more flippy than these pictures. Whenever I walked past a mirror I did a double take, who was that girl??

The only thing I would have done differently was perhaps donate my hair to something like Locks Of Love. I didn't even think of it at the time because my hair was such a rats nest. Who would have wanted that? But now that I'm thinking of it she cut around 10 inches off easily. It's too bad I didn't think of it at the time.

It is definitely taking some time to get used to but I really do like it. I think I just might keep it short for a while.

Do I have the guts??

2009-07-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

On Saturday at 1 o'clock I have an appointment for a color and a cut. I'm talking a real color (black) and a real cut (from the middle of my back up to my chinny chin chin).

My hair has been a total rats nest lately. It feels unhealthy, fuzzy and it won't style. It just sits on my head like a dirty mop. I thought cutting bangs into it would help but no, they look stringy. I've been noticing all the cute wedge-bobs there are out there even for girls with thin hair like mine. So I think I'll go for it. It will grow if I don't like it, right??

As for the color, I really like the color of my hair but I've always wanted to go blueish black. I think it's pretty. So if I'm going to chop my hair off I might as well do it with a bang. I haven't colored my hair in about 15 years but when I did I'd always done it myself and always lighter, never darker so it will be really fun to have someone (a professional!) do it.

And OH, the last time I got a wedge/bob cut was right when I moved here to OR and the guy cut my hair in a 'geometric bob'. He was so excited to do it! It was right under my ear on the right side and went down to my chin on the left. I actually got a ton complements!

So we'll see. I just keep thinking that it's only hair, it will grow!! Who knows, maybe I'll love it!

Still hot...

2009-07-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

It's 9:49 and I just got on Weather.com and it said the temp is 86 degrees. I checked the thermostat outside our kitchen window and it also said 86 degrees. The thermostat in the house says it 83 degrees despite our huge old air conditioner and lots of fans. At least it's cooler in here, haha. Keep on going old gal! Just a few more days of heat left.

I let D fall asleep watching Spiderman. It's just too hot in his room, I couldn't bare for him to be in there. Poor kid.

I'm doing good; work is fine, weekends are going good and my marriage is interesting.

I really wish I would blog more but I don't seem to get a lot of time on the computer and when I do I'd rather read than write. But throughout the day I'm always thinking of things I'd blog about. It's funny, I sometimes think in "blog form". I know, I'm dorky.

I should make some time journal my life more. I've done some pretty neat things lately and would love to keep track of them.

I hope everyone is doing good. Happy Hump Day (tomorrow)!

Almost midnight

2009-06-30T23:56:00.000-07:00

Yes even though tomorrow is a work day I'm still up, on the internet and watching TV. I'm not even tired.

I will regret this decision in the morning. But for now, eh, I've had worse days.

Happy Hump Day! OH!! Actually it's a short week, I'm not used to keeping track of those yet.

Good day

2009-06-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

It was a good day for being my 36th year on this Earth...

We went to the Saturday market and ate a hot dog...

I bought me some flowers and then E made me a dinner of steak and red potatoes...

Then just hung out and enjoyed the day. I hope this next year is a good year. OR at least I can hope that I'm strong enough to put up with what is coming my way.

Reading

2009-06-16T19:58:00.001-07:00

So instead of using any spare time to share how work is going or how I've been trying to keep up with laundry and dishes as much as I can, I have been reading this book.

All the girls at work (well, three out of the four of them) are reading this. The first week I worked that's all they talked about. They'd ask each other questions and share how they felt about this part or that one. Finally Friday night I was board out of my mind and decided to just by the book and see if it was as good as they made it out to be.

It is so much better than I thought it would be. It has a pretty good story line and it's an easy read; so easy that I can put it down, do a load of laundry or cook some food for a couple of hungry guys and then pick it right up and keep going.

It's surprised me how into it I am. I'm not usually into sappy love stories and I'm certainly not into vampire novels so to sink right into it took me back.

A couple of things though: (I don't want to spoil anything for anyone so if you want to read this be warned) I don't understand why it wouldn't matter to Bell@ that Edw@rd is a vampire. Really? It doesn't concern you that he could gorge your throat out and crush you to bits? Or that you'd get older and older and he'd continue to look 17 years old forever? I don't think that would go over so well when you reach your 50's. HOWEVER, the way he only has eyes for her and the way he just wants to love her and all the romantic things he says, well, he could gorge my throat out if he wanted to, too.

I hope everyone is doing wonderful and I hope to catch up soon! Goodnight!

Can allergies kill you?

2009-06-09T06:49:00.000-07:00

I was a fool to think that because I didn't have allergies in April or May they would never come and I was mysteriously cured. Ha, they're back and they are killing me! This year I solemnly swear to take my A11egra every 12 hours no matter how I feel.

Work went pretty well yesterday. I have covered enough times that that's exactly how it felt. I left yesterday thinking "Holy crap! I've got to come back tomorrow and next week and next month and possibly next year! What have I done?" But it's a pretty good place to work. Today is my x-ray day, hopefully I'm not slammed.

I stupidly cut some bangs into my hair. Lets just say that it's a really bad idea to cut bangs into your hair when you are hurriedly trying to get ready for you first day of work. I just have to remember that they'll grow out! :p

I hope everyone has an awesome Tuesday!!

Weekend!

2009-06-07T11:47:00.000-07:00

He he, I'm home today! D keeps asking me when I'm going to work, he's not used to both me and Eric being here.

So far it's been a good and kind of relaxed day. My dad and step-mom are going to come by and give D has birthday gift and I need to go pick up some cake and ice cream.

Oops, they're here!

:)

Some days are easier then others

2009-06-03T20:54:00.000-07:00

Today was a really bad day.

Some days I can take what's happening with my marriage and be at peace that we are doing the right thing, we are getting out of a bad situation and we will work hard at being somewhat friendly and share D and it will all be ok.

Other days, like today, are way too hard to handle. I see what's happening and I'm devastated by it all. Just heart broken and well, broken. All I did today was bawl my eyes out. It didn't help that E was in a bit of a mood yesterday and I took it really hard. Sometimes I feel like I really tried to be a good wife and now it's all backfiring in my face. Ack, I don't know!!

Tomorrow should be a really fun day. We are going to meet one of my very best friends (Hi Megan!) and her kids at the Port Land's Child rens Mu seum. They are having a Bob the Buil der exhibit and by the looks of the website they have a TON of totally fun stuff to do. I've never been and I'm sure D will love it. Also it will be fun for me to catch up with my friend and watch the kids play. I'm so excited!

Off to finish some laundry and then to bed, early I hope.

Good night!

Last week of freedom

2009-06-01T13:52:00.000-07:00

This is my last week before I go back to work full time. I'm sad and happy a the same time. I'm glad to be out in the working world, off of weekends, but I'm terrified at the thought of getting up at 5 in the morning. I am soooo not a morning person. I keep telling myself it will be ok, I can turn into a morning person, right?

Just like a little gift from Heaven my mom is house sitting for her pastor this week. So we get a little break and just be our little family of three. She's applied for an apartment in the town were she works and is hoping to find out if she gets it while she's gone. That would mean that she would come back only to pack her stuff up and move into her own place. Which would be great but I worry she's in over her head. She only wants to live in a two bedroom and is not budging from that. I highly doubt she makes enough to qualify but anything could happen. So I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping for the best for all of us.

Please send kind and happy vibes my way please!

On the cleaning/organizing front: I just purged and threw away a huge cabinet full of bottles, nipples and sippy cups, well most of them. I kept 2 bottles with screw on lids because they are perfect for transporting milk for cereal or oatmeal and I kept two sippy type cups (essentially plastic cups with plastic lids) because they are perfect for when D is drinking somewhere I don't want an accident (like when he watches a movie on my bed), but everything else went into the trash or recycling. I figured since he turned 5 on Friday it was time to let go. It feels good to get some of that clutter OUT!

Side note: Can you believe my baby turned FIVE!!! He's half way to 10 and a third of the way to 15! That's almost driving! Yikes!

There's many more cabinets to clean out, I think I saw an old breast pump in one of them. I'm such a pack rat! :)

Happy Monday!

Wednesday

2009-05-27T09:57:00.001-07:00

Today is our 'busy day'. I may have mentioned before, D has two classes: AM preschool then a 45 minute break to get him some lunch then he goes to speech class. He ends up really wild by the time the day is done, I'm wondering if it's too much stimulation for the kid.

This morning we had to leave a little early to get a special treat for his class's snack time. Friday is his birthday and I wanted him to get to celebrate with his class. Teacher Rebecca gives the birthday kid a crown and they all sing Happy Birthday. It's sweet and I'm glad D gets to participate. Technically school would have been out last week but because of all the snow days they had school was extended out. Friday is a potluck at a park and I didn't want Teacher R to have to try to get the kids rounded up for a birthday wish so today is perfect.

Last weekend was nice. We had a bar-be-que with the neighbors on Sunday when I got home from work. Then Monday and yesterday morning I spent power washing the back side of the house. The patio, the gutters and the shop. The actual house wasn't bad but the gutters and shop were disgusting. Mildew loves plastic. It was pretty fun, though and very addicting. Once you spray an area clean and see how pretty it looks you can't help but to keep going. I also cleaned the dining room ceiling fan yesterday (not with the pressure washer. I re read what I wrote and that's how it kind of sounded). It was grey with grime. I had to take it apart to clean it and now it's white again. All of this means that we are trying to get the house ready for the market. I've decided to stay here with E until we sell the house, or that's what he wants. I don't know if I'll stay that long. It will be nice to pool our money together for a while and pay some bills and save a bit. There is so much to do to get this house ready; finish the kitchen, put a new window in the master bedroom, pack up the ton and a half of crap we've accumulated, finish the trim in the family room and clean, clean, clean! I had originally told him I would help get the house cleaned up and was figuring that I'd be spending the majority of my evenings and weekends here anyway.

I'm kind of sad to be leaving. I actually love my house and wish I could afford it on my own. I have so many memories here and would love to stay. My mom was pushing that on me and I have to wonder if she wanted me to keep it so she could keep squatting here in my garage. Ug, no thanks!! I want her out as it is because she's driving me bonkers and is avoiding us. I think she knows her two months are up and she's trying to get out of being kicked out. Ick, I get indigestion just thinking about it so I can't get into it right now. Anyway, I told E that if the house doesn't sell the very last thing we need to to is convert the garage back into a garage. I don't think it will be hard to do, it's mostly demolition to put everything back the way it was. It might be pretty fun to take a sledge hammer to the walls. He he!

Well, I guess I should get packing and cleaning. And measuring trim. Oh and getting some paper goods for the potluck! So much to do!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Lost, late and a tram ride

2009-05-22T18:14:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I took D to his evaluation at O H S U. That's the big teaching hospital in Port Land that has the local pediatric hospitals that specialize in all kinds of needs. The facility itself is on a huge hill and I can tell you it's practically impossible to find if you don't know how to get there.

I originally going to leave the house at 6 o'clock in the morning for D's 8:30 hearing exam. But I thought I was being a little dramatic and decided to hold off an hour and left at seven. Into town was the normal bumper to bumper traffic and I made it within an hour. That left me a half an hour to find the hospital. I could see the tram that leads up to it but I couldn't find any signs that said where it was. Surely there were signs being that it is the big teaching hospital, right?

Nope. By the time E called me back with which exit to take I had passed it and was almost out of town and into Washington! I turned around but there was no exit number going the other way. I found my way back but didn't know what little curvy road to turn on until I finally flagged down a guy in a black convertible porche and through sobs asked him if I was even close. He said no but if I turned and followed him he would take me close to where I needed to be. What a great guy! There really are still nice people in this world!!

I eventually made it, 45 minutes late!!! I was still bawling my eyes out and the ladies felt so bad that they gave me and D some free tram tickets. He didn't get to do the hearing exam, but that's not really an issue it just needs to be done. We did get to do the speech evaluation and the speech therapist told me that he's about a year behind. He scored one to three points below average for his age in two out of three of the tests. But with the little extra help he gets each week and working at home on some things he should be just fine.

The tram ride was really fun. I didn't know how either of us would do because I don't like heights and I wasn't sure how D would react but he did fine and it was really cool.

D said the cars looked like toys. The kind of do. We stopped and took E to lunch at Apple Bees and then headed back home. All in all it was a good day. Especially when the therapist said D was a wonderful and delightful child. Maybe she says that to all the parents but it's still nice to hear.

I hope everyone has a warm, sunny and wonderful Memorial Day!

Staying the same

2009-05-20T14:26:00.000-07:00

Whenever I try to renew my weight loss efforts I buy myself a cute new notebook and put the date and my weight. I recently found an old notebook from about a year ago. The weight was 248. Today's weight? 248. For almost a whole year I've stayed the same.

There are a couple of weight loss blogs I read but will only visit them every few months or so. They are not updated very often and the message is always the same for both of them: "I lost a few pounds, *then silence for a while*, Sorry I haven't written because I fell off the wagon but now my dedication is anew and I'm going to succeed..." and the cycle continues. These women are so hopeful and really want to lose the weight and be healthy and feel good. Not only do they say that's what they want but you can just feel it in their words. You can't help but root for them because they want it so bad. But for years they've stayed the same hopeful, over weight ladies that they were when I first came across their blogs.

I've realized I'm just like them.

I really want to lose this weight. I really do! But it seems I spend more time wishing and hoping and I never actually get to it. I'll lose a few pounds and then before you know it I'm falling off the wagon and avoiding the whole situation. I really wish I could find the motivation/determination/discipline I need to lose weight once and for all.

I don't want to write another post like this in a year. I'll be really sad.

Big Bad Trap

2009-05-19T17:33:00.001-07:00

This is the big trap that I'm supposed to put peanut butter on and then carefully set and put under the house. Except I'm scared of it because as I was inspecting how to set it I smashed the base of two fingers in it. It really hurt!!!! I know, I'm dumb sometimes.

And if I had any worries about it not being strong enough to actually kill the rat and not just torture it they are gone; that lever that comes down is really, really strong.

A fat rat

2009-05-19T09:57:00.000-07:00

I knew there was a rat in the house because you could here it in the walls between the bathrooms. We were sitting in our bedroom watching Lost and we could hear the scratching. E told me he'd heard it a few times during the last week or so. He told me it was probably a little mouse and that he would get it with poison. Only I didn't think it sounded so little.

I got up this morning to make breakfast and start to see all these POOPS everywhere. On the stove and in the sink! AAAAHHH! And they're HUGE POOPS! This guy is big! It makes me sick to think he's been walking around my kitchen and all over the counters!!! I'm so mad.

So E told me if I bait a big rat trap and set it he would be the one to check it and dispose what ever it traps. That's what it gets for being in my kitchen.

Ug, I'm so ill.

A cool blog

2009-05-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

Kath Eats Real Food

I found this blog, I can't remember where exactly, but it had to have been off a blog that I regularly read. That's the best way I know to find new and interesting people on the web. It's not like any of my other regular blogs I love and read daily, so when I found myself going back to it time and time again I decided to add it to my daily faves. (I also think of you when I read it, Holly, because she just graduated to become a dietitian as well:) ) She updates every meal with pictures and a description.

And I never knew that there could be so many nut butters!!

What I find most interesting about her blog (besides all the really cool pics) is that not only does she eat healthy but she makes it a mini event. She sets a mood, eats foods that are yummy to her, she eats until she's full and seems to enjoy the moment. She also mixes in all the food groups to make a complete meal. And for me the most amazing thing? She can be satisfied with just a bit or two of something rich. That concept is foreign to me but Kath proves that it can be learned and done.

I just wanted to share.

Now I have to get ready to find some allergy medication for my poor boy. His eyes are so swollen and he can't stop itching them. I'm so sad I passed my allergies onto him.

Low key day

2009-05-14T23:21:00.000-07:00

Thursdays are our (mine and D's) day we have nothing pressing to do. So we usually do nothing but hang out. Today was no exception; we hung out in our jammies, played on the computer and I tried to teach him about measuring in inches and hearing tests.

Next Thursday we go into the big city and head to the teaching hospital for D to get a hearing exam and a more in depth speech eval. He has never had a successful hearing exam because he can't quite get the whole "raise the left hand if you hear the sound in the left ear" part. It's been about a year since we've even tried so I'm going to work on it with him and hopefully the test will be a success!!

Tomorrow his pre-school class goes to Ench@nted Forr3st for a field trip. It's a pretty fun place for kids and I know he'll love it. The last time we went he sobbed big salty tears because we had to leave. I hope I don't forget the camera. (I usually do!) It's supposed to be a beautiful day so even I'm excited!

I took my sleeping pills kind of late tonight and now I'm just waiting for sweet slumber to come knock me out. Soon I hope.

Good night!

After all that I missed it!

2009-05-13T10:07:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned in the past that I'm a horrible sleeper. I can't fall asleep, I can't stay asleep and so the whole process is just bad. For years I would just stay up and binge eat until I fell asleep at two in the morning and then feel icky and guilty when I woke up the next day.

Well I've kind of found a solution: generic S1eepy Time. So far it's worked great *knocks wood*. I can pretty much time it to where I fall asleep between 10 and 11. I wake up in the morning feeling pretty good.

Last night was no exception. I came home from covering the closing shift and took two pills at 8 o'clock, turned on The Biggest Loser and promptly got bored of all the gabbing that went on. I cleaned my bathroom, read D some books and got him off to sleep and finally the weigh-ins were under way. But they were kind of dragging on and on. It was 10 and the final three hadn't even began to get on the stage. So I put on my pajamas and crawled into bed figuring that I could just snuggle in and watch the rest of the show and then maybe some news and then I could sleep. I heard Tara announce the order of how they'd weigh...Then I woke up this morning with D's knees in my back and E telling me good bye.

Tara won right? Or no, it was Michael. Of course it was. I can't believe I FELL ASLEEP AT THE FINAL WEIGH IN!

I also can't believe that Helen won. I would have never guessed it. I'll bet Tara and Michael wouldn't have ever guessed it either.

Just Tuesday

2009-05-12T14:06:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a work meeting, the regular second-Tuesday-of-the-month meeting and there was nothing new. Those are good.

Now I'm just taking a little lunch break from cleaning this house. Surprisingly it's not too bad clutter/mess wise so I'm taking advantage of Dominic being in daycare and doing the dusting, mopping and vacuuming. He is sweet and loves to help which makes a bigger mess and takes twice as long. But I really can't complain, he's such a sweet kid. I hope he will still want to help me when he can actually do the chores correctly! :)

In other news, I found an apartment yesterday. It's affordable, cute, really close to my work and literally around the corner from the best elementary school in town. I went to talk to the managers and get an application and left feeling so happy and hopeful. Things have been so tense and awful between Eric and I and this little act made me feel like I have some power in my life.

When Eric came home I told him that I had found an apartment and thought he would be happy. Or at least pleasantly pleased. I had previously told him I wouldn't be the one to leave the relationship, that I couldn't do that to D and his response was "I figured as much, you're gonna stick around and milk off me as much as you can." Well, that wasn't how I was looking at it but, whatever. So I was surprised when he accused me of sticking him with the house, leaving him to sell it then taking half of the money. I swear, he's gone bonkers.

He took a bit of a nap and was better when he woke up. I explained to him that we should separate while we're still semi civil to each other and that this is the perfect opportunity for me and to get D into the school's day care and kindergarten program. He mulled it over for a while and later in the evening asked me with sad eyes if this is what I really wanted to do. I told him the truth: NO! It's not what I want to do but it's obvious that we aren't going to make our marriage work and so now I have to put all my focus on D. TRY to do what would be best for him, even though I don't think this is what's best for him. That doesn't make any sense, does it?

I'm still confused, scared and worried. But the relief that I felt when I walked out of that apartment makes me think that maybe this is what's right. No child should be living with two screaming parents. I should know, my parents "stayed for the kids" and it was hell. When E and I are fighting and D steps in between us telling us "Stop it, stop it, don't be mad" in his little sweet voice it just rips me up. So which situation will do the least damage?

Ok, I have to stop thinking about it for a while. Now that the front areas of the house are clean I'll work on the back. That should help.

One

2009-05-08T14:14:00.000-07:00

Always do a test post.